Journals305
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Long time no see
2 min read
Feels like it's been ages since I've submitted anything to my dA or to any of my social media 
My job takes all of my time,and when I do have free time I prefer to spend it on something more useful than just sitting by pc again.
Some might remember my last journal(which is already deleted) where I was venting about my new job.Well things have changed.
Judge me all you want,call me however you wish,but I love being a cam girl.It's what I've been looking for all this time.I enjoy what I'm doing(believe it or not),I'm improving my english,I found a lot of nice people whom I enjoy talking to,I get to work when I want,and the best part of it is that I don't have to work with real people.As an introvert communicating and dealing with people all day can be tiring for me,and I hate being in a team and things like that.I'd rather work on my own and take responsibility for my actions only.
And of course this job gives us opportunity to save more money to move out.Thanks to this job I feel independent,not having the need to ask for money for the stuff I need.I finally bought a gym membership,which was impossible before.
You might say that there are all kinds of 'normal' job I could choose from,but I like what I'm doing.Of course,my husband doesn't like things I'm doing as a cam girl,but he understands that it will help a lot with moving out.Not sure if that's what I'll be doing for the rest of my life,but for now I'm happy with things as they are.
Hope to get more active here,I still enjoy drawing.I just don't get as much time for it as I used to.
My job takes all of my time,and when I do have free time I prefer to spend it on something more useful than just sitting by pc again.
Some might remember my last journal(which is already deleted) where I was venting about my new job.Well things have changed.
Judge me all you want,call me however you wish,but I love being a cam girl.It's what I've been looking for all this time.I enjoy what I'm doing(believe it or not),I'm improving my english,I found a lot of nice people whom I enjoy talking to,I get to work when I want,and the best part of it is that I don't have to work with real people.As an introvert communicating and dealing with people all day can be tiring for me,and I hate being in a team and things like that.I'd rather work on my own and take responsibility for my actions only.
And of course this job gives us opportunity to save more money to move out.Thanks to this job I feel independent,not having the need to ask for money for the stuff I need.I finally bought a gym membership,which was impossible before.
You might say that there are all kinds of 'normal' job I could choose from,but I like what I'm doing.Of course,my husband doesn't like things I'm doing as a cam girl,but he understands that it will help a lot with moving out.Not sure if that's what I'll be doing for the rest of my life,but for now I'm happy with things as they are.
Hope to get more active here,I still enjoy drawing.I just don't get as much time for it as I used to.
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Yes!
1 min read
Charlie finally visited me in my dream.He looked so healthy and happy.He was laying on his back,wagging his tail,and I was petting his belly.I noticed that his fur was bright and nice just like it was when he was younger.
In my dream I knew that he was dead but I got him back.My first question was: Will you always be here with me?Howl for yes or just say no.He howled.Then I asked: So how many years do I owe for having you back? He said 30. 30 years?I asked.
I don't know what was that about.Will I live 30 years less or what?But that doesn't matter.I just wish it was real.
Anyway,I'm happy to know that he's doing great on the other side of the Rainbow.Come visit me more often!
In my dream I knew that he was dead but I got him back.My first question was: Will you always be here with me?Howl for yes or just say no.He howled.Then I asked: So how many years do I owe for having you back? He said 30. 30 years?I asked.
I don't know what was that about.Will I live 30 years less or what?But that doesn't matter.I just wish it was real.
Anyway,I'm happy to know that he's doing great on the other side of the Rainbow.Come visit me more often!
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Dear Charlie,
3 min read
I remember the day we first met.I came home from the kindergarten and saw a furball in a bascet.My granny saw you following her and decided to bring you to live with ys.I fell inlove the moment I saw you.Such a cute and furry puppy..When everybody went to do stuff I let you lay your head on my knees and stayed untill you fell asleep.My mom yelled 'dont touch him,hes got flees!' But that didnt bother me at all.I remember how I couldn't wait till I'm big enough to take you for a walk..I was so happy and proud when it happened for the first time.
Remember how we used to play with your favorite ball?That was so much fun.
I had so many problems and bad days back when I was a teenager.I was betrayed,hurt,depressed..I was mean,antisocial..But you still loved me no matter what happened.Even when I was mean to YOU you still wiggled your tail.
It was getting harder when you got old.But we are the only ones to blame,not you.Still,no matter what people said,I stood beside you and supported you,just like you always did.
Im sorry you had to go through this.
Im sorry for being a bad owner and friend.
Im sorry I wasnt there when you were scared.
Im sorry I didnt give you a big hug for the last time.
Im sorry for all the bad things Ive done to you.
I really wish I could say it while you were still alive.If only I could kiss your forehead before you closed your eyes.It hurts my heart to know that youll never hear this..and you probably died hating me for not being by your side..Im so sorry Charlie..
It feels so empty without you.As I went to the kitchen I was waiting for you to come for some snacks.But then I realized..
My eyes hurt from crying.My face burns from tears.My heart hurt from knowing that you are cold and theres nothing I can do to make you warm.
Dont be mad at me,Charlie.please..
I want to believe that theres heaven for pets,where you can have a deserved rest,even though I wish I could make you feel like its heaven while you were here with me..
I love you Charlie,and I will never forget you,friend.Rest in peace
If you feel like laughing at me for crying like crazy over the dog - do it.Im not ashamed to adimt that I treat animals better than most humans.Animals dont betray,thet dont lie,and they dont leave when you are not someone they they expected you to be.Animals love you for who you are,and they trust you no matter what.Unfortunately,Charlies trust of my mom has led him to death..Animals trust to the end because unlike humans,they have pure soul.So please,love your pets while you can,because you can never know if its the last day you see them....
Fuck i cant stop crying
Remember how we used to play with your favorite ball?That was so much fun.
I had so many problems and bad days back when I was a teenager.I was betrayed,hurt,depressed..I was mean,antisocial..But you still loved me no matter what happened.Even when I was mean to YOU you still wiggled your tail.
It was getting harder when you got old.But we are the only ones to blame,not you.Still,no matter what people said,I stood beside you and supported you,just like you always did.
Im sorry you had to go through this.
Im sorry for being a bad owner and friend.
Im sorry I wasnt there when you were scared.
Im sorry I didnt give you a big hug for the last time.
Im sorry for all the bad things Ive done to you.
I really wish I could say it while you were still alive.If only I could kiss your forehead before you closed your eyes.It hurts my heart to know that youll never hear this..and you probably died hating me for not being by your side..Im so sorry Charlie..
It feels so empty without you.As I went to the kitchen I was waiting for you to come for some snacks.But then I realized..
My eyes hurt from crying.My face burns from tears.My heart hurt from knowing that you are cold and theres nothing I can do to make you warm.
Dont be mad at me,Charlie.please..
I want to believe that theres heaven for pets,where you can have a deserved rest,even though I wish I could make you feel like its heaven while you were here with me..
I love you Charlie,and I will never forget you,friend.Rest in peace
If you feel like laughing at me for crying like crazy over the dog - do it.Im not ashamed to adimt that I treat animals better than most humans.Animals dont betray,thet dont lie,and they dont leave when you are not someone they they expected you to be.Animals love you for who you are,and they trust you no matter what.Unfortunately,Charlies trust of my mom has led him to death..Animals trust to the end because unlike humans,they have pure soul.So please,love your pets while you can,because you can never know if its the last day you see them....
Fuck i cant stop crying
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Mom did it
2 min read
FUCKIN UPDATE
She took him for euthanasia.And she didn't even mention it.Not a single word.Nothing.
She took away the chance from me to say good bye to Charlie.
Yesterday I gave him some meat leftovers,and she said 'why did you give him food?he's gonna pee all over the floor!'.If only I knew this was his last day,I'd give him twice as much.I'd do anything to see him wiggle his tail.But nope.Not a word.Why tell me?I'm nothing.A dog living 18 years in this family is nothing.
I bet he was scared,and I wasn't there for him.
Are you proud of yourself mom?You did a good job huh?So happy to finally throw aways his food bowls and all the things that remind of him?You go mom!The best birthday present I ever had since that time you forgot about my b-day cause an alcoholic you've seen 3 times in your life died!WooHoo!
When the day comes and your mother is too old and sick to go to the bathroom by herself,I wonder what you will do.Put her to sleep too?It's a shame that a dog living 18 years in this family meant nothing to you.I just hope you didn't throw him away like a trash.
I'm sprry Charlie for not being there with you.I'm sorry I didn't say good bye.Forgive me and be happy wherever you are.
Thank you all who have been helping me when I asked you for advice!Thank you for caring for my dog even though you never knew him!Thank you for caring more than his family did!Bless you all!
She took him for euthanasia.And she didn't even mention it.Not a single word.Nothing.
She took away the chance from me to say good bye to Charlie.
Yesterday I gave him some meat leftovers,and she said 'why did you give him food?he's gonna pee all over the floor!'.If only I knew this was his last day,I'd give him twice as much.I'd do anything to see him wiggle his tail.But nope.Not a word.Why tell me?I'm nothing.A dog living 18 years in this family is nothing.
I bet he was scared,and I wasn't there for him.
Are you proud of yourself mom?You did a good job huh?So happy to finally throw aways his food bowls and all the things that remind of him?You go mom!The best birthday present I ever had since that time you forgot about my b-day cause an alcoholic you've seen 3 times in your life died!WooHoo!
When the day comes and your mother is too old and sick to go to the bathroom by herself,I wonder what you will do.Put her to sleep too?It's a shame that a dog living 18 years in this family meant nothing to you.I just hope you didn't throw him away like a trash.
I'm sprry Charlie for not being there with you.I'm sorry I didn't say good bye.Forgive me and be happy wherever you are.
Thank you all who have been helping me when I asked you for advice!Thank you for caring for my dog even though you never knew him!Thank you for caring more than his family did!Bless you all!
I have a weird feeling that my mom took Charlie to the vet for euthanasia.She never took him for a walk at this hour,only before bed and early in the morning.Maybe it's just in my head,but if that's what it is,I can't believe she did that without even telling me.
What a great birthday present it will be.Yay.
What a great birthday present it will be.Yay.
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